he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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