you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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