who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
