Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
