I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
