we have officially lost it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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