Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
