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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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