chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
