a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
