if you like me you must not know who I am
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
