dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
