I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
