I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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