help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
