i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
