my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
