she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
