I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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