from now on my penis is your penis
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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