then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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