Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
