are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
