Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
