Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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