I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
