Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
