why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
