Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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