Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
