i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
