I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
