well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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