he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
