it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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