she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
