Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
