I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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