pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
