I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
