I wannas sexs uuuuu
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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