Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
