im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
