I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
