Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
