i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
