I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
