lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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