yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
