I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
