I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
