i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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