Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
