Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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