I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
