so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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