she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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