covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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