Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
