Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
