This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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