Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
