She said her name was "party"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
