I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
